Early in my second pregnancy, complications arose. The doctor ordered bed rest and said only time will tell if I was going to miscarry. In anguish I pleaded with God to save this baby. I even began to bargain with God. If You will save this baby, I will… I will pray more, read my Bible more, teach Sunday School. The list of “I will” grew daily during my prayer times.
One week after I was placed on bed rest, I had a miscarriage. I was devastated. Questions flooded my mind. Why had God not answered my prayers to let this baby live? Will I ever be able to have another child? How could a miscarriage be in God’s will for my life? I was angry with God and hurt that He had not saved my baby.
In my grief I sought God constantly in Bible reading and prayer. I was searching for answers from Him. In this period of despair, I began to feel God’s comforting presence wash over me. He led me to Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” I realized that this side of heaven I may never know all the answers to my questions during that time of sorrow. As John Powell in Seasons of the Heart said so succinctly, “The great and infinite God asks a very limited and finite you and me: ‘Can you—will you—trust me?’”
At 29 I did not know that God’s plan for me would involve serving on church staffs as Preschool Ministries Director. In the last 20 years of serving on church staffs, I have walked with many moms through the waters of miscarriage. Like Paul, I can say, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). While God did not answer my prayers the way I wanted Him to, He did prepare me to comfort others, and He led me to a great principle of the Christian life-trusting Him in each and every circumstance.