Pastor Tim's Blog Archives - Page 51 of 63

THE KEYS TO A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE – Part 3

Written by TimMaynard on February 11, 2016. Posted in Pastor Tim's Blog.

For a marriage to work, there is to be “cleaving.” To “cleave” means to ” hang on or to be stuck on something.” But “cleaving” cannot fully, lastingly happen until “leaving” has been accomplished. The order is important!

It would be easy to think that the “cleaving” is the fun part. After all, we’re talking about “sticking” ourselves to someone we love, right? Of “gluing” ourselves to another. Sometimes that is a beautiful, incredible and even miraculous thing.

Sometimes it looks like the lovebugs. You’ve seen them… little black seemingly “two headed” insects that appear in the fall, and ruin our car’s finish and our windshield’s clarity. But have you watched them closely? They are stuck to each other, rear to rear (“abdomen to abdomen” for you entomology sticklers). I’ve wondered as these things awkwardly fly and crash into objects to their death, if being “stuck” together really felt good to them? As they fly they seem to be flying away from each other.

I see some couples who are trying unsuccessfully to “cleave” to each other. And it isn’t working… it’s an awkward, painful, even self-destructive dance… and it’s so for one simple reason. Like the love bugs, they fly against each other instead of toward each other.

But when cleaving works it’s a wonderful thing to see. When two people learn to walk together, live together in harmony, share life together, fly the same direction… marriage soars! The experience of sharing life with another is beautiful when we remember that we are in this flight together.

Cleaving requires sacrifice. In fact, it requires dying to ourselves that we might truly find ourselves. Marriage, at its core, is discipleship. It is made to help us on the way to being more like Jesus… more giving, more sacrificial, more other-focused, more self-denying. But marriages that fail get this backward. We take instead of giving. We seek what we want instead of asking what the other wants. We become self absorbed, self centered. We do not deny ourselves… we exalt ourselves!

And being “stuck” to a person like that is unpleasant at best….an experience to be escaped if we can. But it was never God’s intention for marriage to be unpleasant or an unhappy experience. In fact, it is one of His greatest gifts to mankind. We distort it. We destroy it. We make it unpleasant.

But when Adam and Eve stood in the Garden together, perfectly united as one, God said

“It is good.” And it can be good… again.

“For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and be united (cleave) to his wife and they two shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)

FOR REFLECTION: Remember today that how you “cleave” to your mate is how the world sees Jesus “cleaving” to His Bride, the church. Pray that your marriage will reflect that union.

THE KEYS TO A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE – Part 2

Written by TimMaynard on February 10, 2016. Posted in Pastor Tim's Blog.

I will be honest with you. It has never been a struggle for me to love my wife. It seems I always have been in love with her. Being married now almost 39 years, that means 2/3 of our adult life has been spent with each other. Biblical marriage is a journey of leaving, cleaving, and weaving a life together. WE have long ago left father and mother and began the lifetime process of “cleaving” to each other.

“Leaving” father and mother is not easy. I took Pam away from her family into my home the day after she graduated from Nursing School at Morehead State University. One year later, I took her four hours from home to the mountains of southeastern Kentucky so that I could finish my undergraduate degree and from there on to Louisville for an 11 ½ year stay. And then we REALLY left and came to Florida.

“Leaving” father and mother is essential for a marriage to be successful. You cannot bond emotionally to another person if your primary emotional attachment is still interwoven around parents or, in some cases, children. Our Creator’s lesson in relationship building only has room for one primary human relationship, and that is to be WITH YOUR MATE.

I have learned on two levels how hard this can be. One level was watching the struggle my wife had and still has in some ways, in that “leaving” process. She has paid a price for it… deeper than I have. It is one of the many things I love her for giving to me.

But I also learned how hard it is on the parents. I watched my family weep as we drove away in our Dodge Caravan with their two precious grandchildren to begin our adventure in Florida (which, I assured them, would probably only last two years… then I’m coming home!) And then one day I was the weeping father standing in the driveway waving as our newly-married daughter drove away with her new husband to begin seminary in Wake Forest North Carolina… 8 hours away!

And then I learned that this “leaving” was not just something the married person was to accomplish. It was something the parents had to bless, even as their hearts were being torn apart. A relationship that is new… that is ‘two becoming one’… must begin as the priority of another relationship is transitioned.

The first key to a successful marriage relationship, then, is learning to leave. Being willing to release the hands of your parents and cling to the hands of your mate.

But this word from Dad: Don’t forget to visit!

“For this cause a man will leave his father and mother….” (Genesis 2:24)

FOR REFLECTION: Take some time today or this week and call your parents, if you can, and thank them for releasing you to begin a new family.

The Keys to a Successful Marriage – Part 1

Written by TimMaynard on February 9, 2016. Posted in Pastor Tim's Blog.

The key to successful relationships, and especially the key to a successful marriage, is the willingness of each person to serve the other in love. This lesson was brought home to me in a very simple way early in my courtship with Pam.

Our dating relationship was unique on several levels. First, my Dad fixed us up on our first date because he knew I was too shy to pull it off on my own. He also knew I was crazy about Pam but didn’t know what to do with that.

Second, when we started dating, she had to break up with a young man who did not take rejection well. He came to my house in the middle of the night and threatened to beat me in my own driveway. My brother came to my rescue, though accidentally. (Another story)

Third, while I had a great model of a long-lasting, loving relationship from my parents, my Dad was not real wordy about what I was to do or be as a Christian husband. So I went out and bought a book. It was called The Act of Marriage by Tim LaHaye.

There were a lot of little cartoons and illustrations in the book (yet another story) but one in particular grabbed my attention. It was a picture of a husband bringing some cookies and milk to his wife, who was sitting on an easy chair. The caption read, “If you want to be treated like a king, treat her like a queen.”

Now my Dad never had a “talk” with me; Pam and I never got premarital counseling… but that little cartoon has never left my conscious mind. It has literally guided much of my married life, and also much of my marriage counseling I have given since.

And oh by the way. Tim LaHaye didn’t come up with that little item. Jesus did. You may know it as “The Golden Rule.” Do unto others as you would have them do to you. And while there may not be a cartoon to go with it…

… it may be the smartest advice your marriage will ever get!

“Serve one another humbly in love….” (Galatians 5:13)

FOR REFLECTION: Think of something important that you want your husband or wife to do for you. How can you do that for them first….in loving service?

What Love Does – Part 5

Written by TimMaynard on February 5, 2016. Posted in Pastor Tim's Blog.

A little girl ran excitedly to her grandmother to tell her about a story she had just heard for the first time. It was about Cinderella and Prince Charming. She breathlessly told grandmother the story and then she asked, “And then do you know what happened?” And grandmother said, “They lived happily ever after!” And the little girl said, “No grandmother. They got married!”

For far too many marriage is not a “happily ever after” story. The joy of the wedding day, the well-wishes of the family and friends and the enjoyment of the honeymoon can fade quickly in the reality of married life with bills, children, disagreements, and disappointments.

And yet, God’s intention with marriage was to provide a place, an arena, a real-life example of what “love never failing” looks like. It is a place to put into practice real solutions for real problems. What does love look like when it’s protecting… when it’s trusting… when it’s hoping… when it’s enduring? Marriage shows that to the world.

As married couples, we must learn to work through areas of conflict and disappointment; of selfishness and pride; and lay down our lives for one another. That is our calling as Christians in marriage relationships.

That is discipleship in action. Did you know that a part of what God intended in creating marriage was to provide a place where we could become more Christlike by living with a person who is different than we are? Those places where our mates may sometimes rub us the wrong way are the edges where God wants to grow us into people who look like Jesus?

Marriage is not easy and yet, when we persevere through the years and through the trials that come, the beauty of walking with a person 40, 50, or 60 years becomes its own reward. To know a person on the level that comes with the depth of years is a gift that fewer and fewer are being allowed to experience. Marriages, sadly, can fail.

But love never does.

“Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:8)

FOR REFLECTION: How has God shown His faithful love in your relationship

What Love Does – Part 4

Written by TimMaynard on February 4, 2016. Posted in Pastor Tim's Blog.

Love always perseveres. Of all the words in the Biblical definition, this one may be the least romantically inclined. Perseverance has to do with toughing something out… the runner enduring the marathon… the soldier hanging in through deployment… the patient enduring and persevering through treatment.

But it’s not a romantic word. And yet, the implication of “persevering” has presented us with some of the most wonderful and dramatic pictures of couples leaning on each other until death parts them. God perseveres in His stubborn love for us even when we reject and turn our backs on Him.

So far we’ve thought about what love does. In the Star Wars saga, Yoda was training Luke Skywalker to harness the power of the Force to be a Jedi. In frustration at one point Luke threw up his hands and gave up. Yoda challenged him to keep on and finally Luke said, “I’ll try.” Yoda spoke a now -classic line out when he replied, “Do or do not. There is no try.”

I like that. “Do or do not.” Love or don’t love. There is no “try.” We either show love to our beloved or we show them something else. But we are doing… or we’re not doing. There is no try.

Love perseveres. It endures all things. It doesn’t quit when discouraged or give up when failure happens. It doesn’t walk away when something captures its attention and distracts, and it doesn’t shy away from commitment.

Love endures. Love commits and stays by the commitment. Sadly today, most of the people in the wedding party of a newlywed couple and a sizable majority of the audience do not believe this “til death do us part” commitment is going to last. We silently sigh when we hear that and say, “Yeah, right.”

But love perseveres. It hangs in there. It makes a commitment and lives it out, even when it doesn’t feel good. We are to love each other, we are to infuse our relationships with a love that is God-given and God-sustained.

God loves us with an everlasting, persevering love. It doesn’t leave when we don’t live up to our end of the bargain. Love never fails. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres.

In Ephesians 5:1-2 we read, “Be imitators of God… and walk in love.” We are to imitate, to “mimic” the love that God shows us. And we are to love each other with that enduring, abiding love.

Love never fails.

“Dear children let us not love in word or tongue but with action and with deeds.” (1 John 3:18)

FOR REFLECTION: Identify the area in your life where you are most tempted to give up. Pray specifically that this word will encourage you there.

What Love Does – Part 3

Written by TimMaynard on February 3, 2016. Posted in Pastor Tim's Blog.

The question is not, “What is love?” as much as “what does love do?” The Bible gives us enough as we read about love to understand love is much bigger than “How do I feel?” Love is more about “what am I prepared to do?” The Gospel tells us in Romans 5:8 that “God demonstrated (showed us) His love for us in that, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (the ULTIMATE act of love and obedience).”

So far we’ve considered, just from one verse of Scripture (1 Corinthians 13:7) two aspects of love that we don’t always think about or sing about. First, LOVE ALWAYS PROTECTS. It covers sin. It protects reputations. It refuses to injure. God does not just want to wash away and cover our sin. He wants to protect us from the shame that comes as well. Second, LOVE ALWAYS TRUSTS. Love trusts even if that trust has been injured. Even if the one we love has let us down. Love gives a second chance.

Today let’s consider a third thing love does: LOVE ALWAYS HOPES. It always hopes. It hopes for the best. It hopes for reconciliation. It hopes for the one it loves to do well. It thinks UP of the other person, not DOWN.

Bruce Wilkinson, author of The Prayer of Jabez and several other books, tells the story of the time when he was a teacher in high school. He was told by his principal when he started that he was very lucky because his class was filled with Section A students: The best and the brightest in the school. It should be a delight. With that, Wilkinson began his year with optimism and true to his principal’s word, the class was filled with students who were all A and B students. His other classes, unfortunately, were filled with students who got C’s, D’s, and a few F’s. Mid semester, he was talking to another teacher and mentioned his Section A students. The teacher said, “What are you talking about? They ended that program six years ago. THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE IN OUR CLASSES NOW! And Wilkinson learned, as he reviewed his gradebook, the power of optimistic hope.

Love hopes the best for someone. It never loses sight of hope. We can apply this principle to our marriages, to our friendships, but also to parenting. We can “coach our children up” or “put our children down.” And they will do just as you expect of them. As we think about how this works in our marriages, our expectation, more than almost anything else, determines the direction and our attitude toward the one we love.

Love always hopes. It believes the best and hopes for the best.

And hope does not make us ashamed because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts. (Romans 5:8)

FOR REFLECTION: Are you expecting UP or DOWN of the relationships in your life?

What Love Does – Part 2

Written by TimMaynard on February 2, 2016. Posted in Pastor Tim's Blog.

“Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres.” Those are words we don’t often connect with our understanding of love in contemporary culture. Those images are more often tied to an overwhelming emotion or an overt sexuality or a self-seeking, self-satisfying longing.

But the Bible doesn’t let us get away with it that easily. In fact, if we read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 correctly, the grammar indicates that we are dealing entirely with verbs in the definition. Love, in other words, is something we do… not something we feel.

Now don’t let me sound unromantic here. Certainly there are wonderful emotions tied to the understanding of love and always has been. But at it’s core, love is something we DO, not something we FEEL.

“How do I know when I love someone?” Well, what are you doing for them? Are you acting in a loving way or are you acting selfishly? This is the essence of the conversation. How are we choosing to act?

In the last column we talked about the importance of covering… of protecting the one we love. This time, we want to take things one step further. What does love do? It doesn’t just protect. It also trusts.

Love trusts. Love trusts. There are three kinds of people in the world, according to Psychology Today. There are gullible people who trust anybody. There are cynical people who trust nobody. And there are people who can give others the benefit of the doubt. We struggle with trust today. It has to do with having confidence in… being able to lean on… feeling stability around someone.

People who trust well have healthy relationships and can build healthy intimacy. They can also maintain their own boundaries and limitations. Love trusts. That also involves risk, because when you trust someone they can hurt you. And sometimes they do.

Many who are reading this devotion have been failed. It’s hard for you to trust the intentions of a person who has let you down. A mate had an affair. A child got pregnant but is not married. A parent made a promise and broke it again. A business disappointed you and broke a contractual relationship.

Human nature says, “don’t ever trust them again.” But love trusts. Love forgives. Love gives a second chance. The essence of trust is to get back up, and give one more chance for things to work. Trusting people are, without question, the happiest people on earth.

Love always trusts.

“Forgive one another as God in Christ has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

FOR REFLECTION: How can I show the love of Christ to by giving a second chance?

What Love Does – Part 1

Written by TimMaynard on February 1, 2016. Posted in Pastor Tim's Blog.

Love may be the most misunderstood and misused word in the English language. We sing love songs and write love stories. Some songs, however, are not love songs. They are lust songs. They are not love stories. They are lust stories. We use the word interchangeably. I love Pam, I love America, I love my still-forming granddaughter, I love pizza, and I love coffee. We use the word so many different ways.

If we are going to have successful relationships, we need to figure out what this word “love” really means. 1 Corinthians 13:7 gives us one definition.“Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.”

“Love always protects.” The word in Greek is a word which means, “to cover with a roof.” A house without a roof isn’t much shelter in a storm. How many of you would buy a house without a roof? Likewise the Bible says love is like a roof. It covers. Self-esteem is very fragile and people’s feelings are easily injured. But love covers.

What can I do to protect other people’s worth? I can minimize their hurt. You can minimize their mistakes. Refuse to emphasize when they mess up. Overlook their faults. 1 Peter 4:8 says “Love covers a multitude of sins.” We are to overlook the faults of the other person. That’s what love does.

I can protect people by refusing to gossip. By not talking about them behind their back. Rick Warren said, “A friend is somebody who doesn’t rub it in, they rub it out.” They don’t broadcast your faults. Proverbs 17:9 “He who covers an offense offers love but he who repeats a matter separates even the closest of friends.” So you love people by protecting their dignity, their self worth, and by “rubbing out” their offenses.

We love to get the dirt on other people. We love to hear about it and love to pass it on.
When I was younger, the young people would sing a camp song called “Pass It On.” That could be a theme song in some situations today! We love to “Pass It On” when we find something negative about the other person.

Did you know what one of the highest selling magazines in America is? It’s not Time, it’s not Newsweek. It’s not even Sports Illustrated. It’s the National Inquirer. Why? People love to get the dirt on other people. But love hates scandals. And love overlooks a fault and love doesn’t like to expose someone else’s mess. Love always protects.

“Love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8

FOR REFLECTION: How can I show love this week by protecting the person I love?

When Our Prayers Are Answered – Part 4

Written by TimMaynard on January 30, 2016. Posted in Pastor Tim's Blog.

Can NO be an answer to prayer? Of course it can. Every NO answer does not mean “this is the final answer.” Sometimes NO can mean “you need to get your own life right before I can bless you.” Sometimes NO can mean “you need to wait a bit. Not yet.” Sometimes NO can mean “I have a purpose in your discomfort or pain. GROW into Christ-likeness as you wait.”

But then there are the YES answers. God says, “GO!” He gives His blessing and permission for what we asked. We prayed, our hearts right… our timing right… our motivation right… and God HEARD and then, perhaps even miraculously, DID what we had asked in prayer!

There is a caveat however. Sometimes answered prayer comes with a price tag. It opens the door to a new awareness of why we pray. It moves us to a deeper response to God in prayer. We realize He hears… we have a responsibility to ask.

Sometimes we pray for the salvation of a loved one or friend. And God says, “Yes, I want to save that person. Now the door is open… GO and tell them about Me.” Or in response to our prayer to be obedient to God in whatever it takes, He opens a “door of opportunity” for us and says “GO to the nations with the Gospel.” A “yes” answer to prayer doesn’t let us off the hook… sometimes it puts us ON it!

But whatever form God’s response to your prayer takes, I hope you never lose the wonder felt by the people of Israel who said,

“For what great nation is there that has a god so near to it as is the Lord our God whenever we call upon Him?” (Deuteronomy 4:7)

We have a God Who invites us into intimacy with Him in prayer: “Let us come boldly to the throne of grace that we may obtain mercy and find grace in our time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16) What great privilege! What great power! What great potential! Come to Him with everything in prayer.

And trust Him with the answer.

“Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.” (James 4:1)

FOR REFLECTION: The old hymn reminds us “Oh, what peace we often forfeit, oh what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.” EVERYTHING. Is that what you are doing today?

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