Category: Pastor Tim’s Blog

A few years ago I ran across a book called The Seven Worst Mistakes Parents Make. My first thought when looking at the title was, “Just seven?” We blow it in far more ways than that! As I thumbed through the contents, I did not see one of the seven worst mistakes I see parents making: putting our child first. Before the marriage relationship. In some cases, even before God, thus making our children an idol made in our own image.

Now wait, you may think: Aren’t we supposed to put children first? Shouldn’t they be in the center of our lives; of our attention; of our affection when they arrive? I need to tread carefully here, for I am in the season of being an expectant grandparent and I don’t want to write words, even electronically, that I may later have to eat!

But what I am seeing frequently in our parenting approach concerns me. I am seeing children being raised at the price of our relationship with our spouses, with ourselves, and even sometimes with God. And the end result of a parenting approach that elevates the child over everything seldom ends well… especially for the child who subtly and not so subtly is being taught that they are the most important person on the planet.

This past weekend a college coach in an interview said that he taught his players that they were the most important thing on the planet. That no one and nothing was more important than they were. This approach resonated with these kids who have grown up in a world that reinforces that reality for them.

Where are they to learn the hard truth that they are NOT the most important person on the planet? Home is the place that teaches priorities and instilling lifelong values. But if they aren’t learning it in the home, they go off to school system and other aspects of society believing they are the most significant thing in life.

A bad lesson to impart. As believers in our homes, the Bible teaches that the most important relationship of all is our relationship with God. Cherish it and guard it above all others. Then, guard your marriage. Genesis 2 tells us that our marriages are to be the primary focus of the family relationship. Inside of that, the children come next. If we get that order wrong, disaster will ensue.

I am not telling you not to love your children. You must and your are to do so. But not to worship them… not to create an idol of them… and certainly not to ask them to bear the burden of being the most important person on earth.

He has already come. His name is Jesus.

FOR MEMORIZATION: But seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you.    Matthew 6:33

FOR REFLECTION: Evaluate your schedule this week. Do your children’s needs and schedules continually rise above your needs? How can you change one thing toward correcting that?

Back in the Sixties and Seventies, the folk/Rock group Crosby, Still, Nash and Young ruled the airwaves. While much of their music may seem dated today, one song (I heard it again today!) still lives, “Teach Your Children.”

My first hearing of that song happened “when I wore a younger man’s clothes” (to quote another rock icon). I knew nothing then of the complexities of child rearing much less what I wanted to teach them. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the curriculum demanded in that song!

But when I became a pastor, still young and without children, I could pretty much tell you whatever you needed to know about parenting and child rearing and discipline and all of the above. I was strident and confident and could have traveled the nation doing lectures to straighten out confused parents.

Then I became one. You’ve heard the story before. One guy had a lecture he gave entitled “The Ten Commandments for Child Rearing.” Then, he had a child and then another and then two more. When he was finished rewriting his lecture he renamed it, “Three Feeble Suggestions for Fellow Strugglers.”

I am very respectful when giving parenting advice. I don’t know your kids. And you don’t really know much about what kind of father I was. But there are some things that each of us, father or mother, married or single, need to put into practice with our children:

1.) Figure out where they need to be pointed. Help aim them well. Children, the Bible tells us in Psalms, are like “arrows in the hands of a mighty man.” As parents, we are the bow. The bow has one role… to discern where to point the arrow and release it. Ideally, our children will be aimed in a direction that will take a toll on the enemies’ camp. But sometimes we misfire. Sometimes the arrow just won’t go where it’s aimed. And sometimes the aim is random. Aim straight. Prayerfully. Release with confidence that God will guide them to the mark He intends.

2.) Be consistent. Let me tell you the two most important words you will learn about parenting. Be consistent. Don’t be a hypocrite. Your children may tell you that they think you are at some point. Your job is not to prove them right.

3.) Teach always. Teaching your children well is not an original thought with CSN&Y. It was first instilled in Jewish people by the Law of God in Deuteronomy 6:1-4. We are to teach by incarnating truth and living it out before our child “as they lie down, as they walk along the way.”
Teach your children well. Not because David Crosby and Company suggested it; but because God commanded it. So where ever you are in the parenting journey, teach your children well. And don’t give up.

We only get one shot!

FOR MEMORIZATION: Like arrows in the hands of a warrior, so are the children born in one’s youth.   Psalm 127:4 NIV

FOR REFLECTION: If you have children still in your care consider the direction you are helping them aim their lives.

Parenting Mistakes, Myths, and Marvels

Recently (former) presidential candidate Ted Cruz unleashed a firestorm when a 12 year-old Donald Trump supporter heckled him at a campaign rally. His response, advocating spanking when a child was rude, sparked an explosion of opinions on the internet.

This is just the latest in our culture’s debate about how to raise a child. Should this child be praised for “speaking his mind?” Some think he should. Should children be seen and not heard, especially in matters about which they know nothing? Others believe they should.

Who’s right? Was Ted Cruz on target for his comments and suggestion? How would you have felt had that been your child? Proud? Embarrassed? Confused? It raises the question again, in our society: Is corporal punishment akin to child abuse? Or are you being too liberal with your child if you don’t?

And what about newborns? Are you an advocate of “extinguishing?” This parenting philosophy believes in letting children who cry, “cry themselves out” before you respond… even if they’re infants. Or are you an attachment theorist who believes the child should be carried in a snuggy near her parent’s body everywhere she goes?

While we’re at it, how do you do controlling your child’s (translation YOUR) schedule and calendar? Is it filled to overflowing with activities, meetings, practices, parenting groups and play groups? Are you raising a busy, hurried, over-stressed child? Or do you realize and help them realize that neither you nor they can do it all?

Philosophies of child rearing abound today much as diet plans. And like diet plans, for every one that may be healthy there are three or four that aren’t. So who gets the final word on how your child gets raised, schooled, disciplined or rewarded? Myths about parenting abound. Mistakes are made… always.

So how do we know? Who is the “expert” in such experiences? Well, we can certainly begin with a look at the timeless and infallible counsel of God’s Word. God can teach us things about our child and ourselves that other experts and coaches cannot.

For instance, it says “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6) Great verse. Worthy of a place on any parent’s cluttered refrigerator door. But we usually get it wrong.

This is not a fail-safe promise that, if we train a child in the way (WE THINK) he should go, when he is older he won’t forsake the church or God’s Word. Wrong. Not what it says. It says, “When you train your child in the way GOD MADE him or her, and raise them as GOD INTENDED them to be raised, they will find the right path and fulfill the purpose for which God made them. ” That’s a broad-brush interpretation, but closer to reality than the other.

Your job as a parent FIRST AND FOREMOST is to help your child “find his way” in this world. A part of that of course, is to incline them as much as possible to the God who made them. And if we do that, it will take root. But it is a mistake to think that we have a foolproof text here that promises if you’ll force your child into a religious mold that mold will stick. It may. It may not.

It’s a mistake to think you can predict and control your child’s future. You can’t. And you wouldn’t want to if you could. And as much as you would like to shield your child from failure and missed opportunities in life, you can’t do that either.

But you can receive the child as a gift… and then pray, pray, pray. Use God’s wisdom as a guide. And know this: if you succeed in raising a child you’re proud of, you will then see the true marvel of parenting.

But if you are among those who don’t and you feel yourself a failure and your child is a prodigal, understand that our Father gets it.

He has kids that won’t mind Him either!

FOR MEMORIZATION: “Train up a child according to his way, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

FOR REFLECTION: If the child in the Ted Cruz example above was yours, imagine what your response to him would be. What does that say about your parenting?

Well, here it is Mother’s Day again.  I’m sorry I haven’t told you more often this year or called or written or visited more but you know how life goes.  We get busy, and in our busy-ness forget the most important thing, and the most important people.

That’s where you come in.  How do I say on this Mother’s Day how much I appreciate and love you for all you did…for bringing me into this world a squalling, demanding, newborn that leaked from both ends…to the adventures and trials of raising me into young adulthood?

You were young when I was born and inexperienced in this whole child raising thing.  Maybe you turned to the wisdom of Dr. Spock to help you; maybe Dr. Dobson filled in the gap.  Perhaps Dr. Phil stepped up.  Or maybe you just got on your knees and cried out to God.

I know you prayed.  I’m sure you recited the little Mother’s Prayer over me each night at bedtime when I was small:  “Thank God he’s in bed.”  But I know there were many times when, with tears, you sat waiting for a word from God, from somewhere to help you know what to do as you raised us.

I remember the times when I would hurt or fall or get my heart broken…I cried for Mom when those times came.  Dad was there…but Mom was…there in a different kind of way.  I know you wept yourself to sleep on some occasions; when I lay sick at home or in the hospital and you didn’t know what to do to make the pain stop. What you don’t realize more often than not was…it did.

Mom, I remember you making little outfits for me for Trick or Treat and shopping yourself silly at Christmas to get me just the gift you knew would make me smile.  Did I ever thank you for those?

And I remember the countless hours you sat in the stands cheering me on when I was on the field or the court or the stage… you supported me, as a band parent selling overpriced candy at ball games or taking boxes of candy bars to work to sell for me since I was a lousy salesman.

I remember Mom. You were there. You tried to be what you thought a Mom should be, even though you barely knew yours.  And I forgive you for making me take piano lessons.  I finally figured out why they were important.

Mom, you imparted a love of books to me and drilled me with grammar and spelling and syntax.  I may or may not have turned out like you thought I would.  If you see me as a disappointment…it’s not your fault. If you see me as a success…you may now take a bow!

And by the way:  Awesome job as a grandmother too! Can’t wait to join you in that category. McCail will be thrilled to get to meet her Great-grandmother!

Happy Mother’s Day Mom. Hope you know how loved you are.  And as it says in the Bible, today I want to  “rise up and called you blessed.”

So Mom, this year at Mother’s Day, I promise to try to keep up better, visit more, and tell you as often as I can that I am thankful to God for you.

Love always,
Tim

On May 14, Pam and I will celebrate our 39th wedding anniversary. Our wedding took place in the side yard of our home church (now a parking lot!) on a makeshift altar built by her father. We were children of the 70’s and our wedding photos reflect that. One of the songs we chose for the ceremony was written by an artist named Nancy “Honeytree” Henigbaum simply called “Treasures.” It was a beautiful song she had written for some friends on their wedding day.

Some years later, this “grandmother” of the Jesus Movement met a lady named Joni Eareckson. She and Joni became great friends. Joni’s outlook, resolve and heavenly hope in spite of her quadriplegic state inspired Nancy to write a song called, “Joni’s Waltz.” I thought this might be a good way to conclude our series. Thanks for following along these past weeks!!

Though I spend my mortal lifetime in this chair,
I refuse to waste it living in despair.
And though others may receive
Gifts of healing, I believe
That He has given me a gift beyond compare.

For Heaven is nearer to me,
And at times it’s all that I can see
Sweet music I hear
Coming down to my ear
And I know that it’s playing for me.

For I am Christ the Savior’s own bride,
And redeemed I shall stand by His side
He will say, “Shall we dance?”
And our endless romance
Will be worth all the tears I have cried.

I rejoice with him whose pain my Savior heals.
And I will with him who still his anguish feels.
But earthly joys and earthly tears
Are confined to earthly years
And a greater good the Word of God reveals.

In this life we have a cross that we must bear;
A tiny part of Jesus’ death that we can share.
And one day we’ll lay it down,
For He has promised us a crown,
To which our suffering can never be compared.

FOR MEMORIZATION: I am torn between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far…. Philippians 1:23

FOR REFLECTION: We live now in a body plagued by many limitations. Imagine the day when nothing is held back from our sight, our senses, our minds or body. Heaven awaits those who have trusted Christ, and Him alone, for their salvation. The door of grace is now open. Whosoever will may come.

RESOURCES FOR BLOG AND SERMON SERIES
Heaven, Joni Eareckson Tada
The Glory of Heaven, John MacArthur
Heaven, Randy Alcorn
Better by Far, J Oswald Sanders
Heaven, Peter Kreeft
Eternity, Joseph Stowell
Erasing Hell, Francis Chan
Heaven (Video for Youth), Francis Chan available on “Right Now Media”
Death and the Afterlife, Robert Morley
From Heaven’s View, TW Hunt

As we look forward to a “new heaven and a new earth,” we look forward as well to a new creation body… one that can live without disease clinging to it… and death awaiting. Tears will not flow unless they are tears of joy.

Joni Eareckson Tada speaks with those tears flowing when she wrote:

Can you imagine the hope this gives someone spinal-cord injured like me? Or someone who is cerebral palsied, brain-injured, or who has MS? Imagine the hope this gives to someone who is manic depressive. No other religion, no other philosophy promises new bodies, hearts, and minds. Only in the Gospel of Christ do hurting people find such incredible hope.

And our bodies will be busy in Heaven! We are not purposelessly floating around looking for something to do. With resurrected strength, bodies, minds and abilities, we will literally reign and rule with the King! We will not be His messengers. He already has plenty of those… they’re called angels. No… we will rule alongside Him… making decisions… serving as priests and kings forever. Our crowns will not be decoration… they denote the authority given us by our Creator!

So many questions will remain unanswered until we get there:

• Will we be male and female there? Of course. God made us that way before sin came. Gender is not sinful. It will endure.
• How old will we be? Don’t know exactly… some theologians have spilled a lot of ink arguing the ideal age. Most agree about 30-33 for various reasons. But I think we will be… ageless.
• And our bodies? Untainted by sin, beautiful beyond anything we have ever seen! The most beautiful person you have ever encountered is tainted by sin’s blow.
• Will we wear clothes? Yes! Jesus did after the resurrection. Robes perhaps… some in Heaven are portrayed that way. But for some, Heaven requires an old pair of well-fitting jeans and a T-shirt to be really at home! (No Scripture on that however!!)
• Will marriage exist? The symbol of marriage becomes reality in Heaven. The purpose of marriage for procreation is no longer necessary. That does not mean a relationship between husband and wife on earth that continues into eternity does not or cannot exist. I believe it can… death doesn’t end it. Same… but different. The Bible implies an enduring relationship between husband and wife when they are called “heirs together” of life (1 Peter 3:1-8).

Again, much speculation could be added to expand this conversation but let’s end by saying many of these things are now seen “through a glass darkly.” But the days are coming when we will know as we are known. Until then we rest in faith… and hope.

FOR MEMORIZATION: But we look forward to a new heaven and a new earth….   2 Peter 3:13

FOR REFLECTION: How does knowing more about Heaven change how you are living your life today?

In 1 Corinthians 15, Paul encounters one of the most pressing questions of his day: “What about our resurrection?” He stood between two streams of thought that deeply influenced the first urban believers. Those with Jewish influence in their backgrounds, the belief in resurrection was tied to “the end of the age.” When the Lord comes back, resurrection will occur. This was repeated by Mary and Martha to Jesus when He came to the tomb of Lazarus to bring him back to life. “We know he will rise again at the resurrection of the dead.” But no resurrection was possible before that… it would mean the world was ending as far as they were concerned.

On the other side, the Greek Hellenistic influence over the Roman Empire brought to the argument that, since matter was evil and bodies are made of matter therefore, bodies are evil. How then, could God take a ‘body’ to Heaven if it’s evil? It was normally believed that death was the release from this prison of a body.

Oddly this spawned two different and opposing reactions from the Greek-influenced people of Paul’s day… one group taught that the body didn’t matter since it was going to be destroyed anyway. So do what you like while you’re in it… since it really doesn’t matter. The other reaction was that since the body was evil, it needed to be constantly brought into restraint and control… therefore, deny it and don’t give it rein.

Against these arguments, Paul brought the truth of 1 Corinthians 15, that there will be a resurrection of the body; that Christ had already been raised in a glorified body that is like the one we will receive at our resurrection… and that death was necessary before resurrection could occur.

He taught the contrast of heavenly and earthly bodies in 1 Corinthians 15:35-56. After telling us in verse 20 that Christ is the “firstfruits” (meaning that we are the remainder of the harvest) we know that our resurrection body will be like His. The first tenth of a harvest doesn’t differ in kind from the other 90 percent but only in order. “There are heavenly bodies and earthly bodies, ” we read, “as there is one glory of the sun, one of the moon, another of stars.” The resurrection body is powerful, the earthly is weak. The resurrection body is imperishable, while the earthly one is perishable. The resurrection body is glorious while the earthly one is dishonorable.

All of this to say, IT WILL BE DIFFERENT and yet in many respects the same. We do not become angels in our resurrected form. That is another class of created beings. Since we will rule with Christ, we will have responsibility for leading them as well. So wings won’t spout and halos won’t grow on our resurrected bodies.

We will however, be like Christ… “for we will see Him as He is!” (1 John 3:2)

FOR MEMORIZATION: Now I say this, brethren, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable.   1 Cor 15:50

FOR REFLECTION: Death, disease, decay will be no more in our new bodies. Pain will have passed away and all things become new. All of this will happen “in a moment… in the twinkling of an eye.” The day is coming. In this our hope is secure.

So if we have a new, resurrected Heaven and Earth and a New Jerusalem to live in, what will we look like? What will we do? The last blogs in this series will try to answer those two significant questions.

Actually the question, “what kind of body will we have eternally?” was one of the earliest questions the church wrestled with. First Corinthians is, by most scholars’ agreement, the oldest (first) document written for the New Testament. That means that probably within two or at the most, three decades after Jesus ascended to Heaven, these questions were circulating among believers as the first Christians went to their deaths instead of being “taken up” into the clouds as Jesus was.

What we know from the answer Paul gave and gathering from other biblical sources, in Heaven we will:

1. Have a unique, individual identity just as we did on earth. In Luke 24:39, after the resurrection, Jesus said to His followers, “It is I myself.” He remained who He was after the resurrection. We do not become part of the “All” as Buddhism asserts or part of the collective as Gene Roddenberry envisioned.
2. Our personal history, actions and identity will endure the transition from old earth to eternal Heaven. Isaiah said “As the new heavens and the new earth that I make will endure before Me,’ declares the Lord, ‘so will your name and descendants endure.'” (Isaiah 66:22) We will continue to be… ourselves!
3. This is a long answer to a question that has plagued many… “Will I know my loved one in Heaven?” The answer is YES.

Dave Roeder, a veteran whose face and body were severely burned in an explosion, shared the story of a wife who came to the burn unit of an army hospital when her husband was first brought home from the war. She was told where the ward was… but not which bed her husband was in. Every man in the ward was bandaged and burned beyond easy recognition. Most were unconscious or simply groaning. There were at least twenty beds in the open ward. And yet without being told she walked to the bedside of her husband. And while his face was burned beyond recognition, she knew where her husband lay… because the connection we have is deeper than facial recognition. Much deeper.

We recognize the spirit of the person to whom we relate. And even if faces are different in Heaven we will still “know as we are known.” So will we know Mom or Dad, wife or husband or child in Heaven? Yes, as you knew them on earth.

But “better by far.”

FOR MEMORIZATION: “For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.” 2 Corinthians 5:1 ESV

FOR REFLECTION:  Next time you look in a mirror at your reflection remember that there will be something about how you look that will last eternally. It will probably not be that thing you like least about yourself… but eternal life is not in a disembodied state. If God loves your face enough to keep it on you forever, maybe you need to love it too!

In The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain writes of an encounter between the Christian spinster, Miss Watson lecturing Huck about the error of his fun loving spirit. According to Huck, “She went on and told me all about the good place. She said all a body would have to do there was go around all day long with a harp and sing, forever and ever. So I didn’t think much of it….  I asked her if she reckoned Tom Sawyer would go there, and she said not by a considerable sight. I was glad about that, because I wanted him and me to be together.”

Clemens and his character Huck Finn, unfortunately entertained a notion about our Christian picture of Heaven that is far more commonplace than we might imagine… even today. It is a picture we must refocus, first inside ourselves and then in how we communicate it to a lost world.

Our world needs a new vision to live for, a Heaven to anticipate, an end to life that is truly not an end. Just this morning, I read that the CDC has released statistics showing an alarming an unexplained increase in suicide among white, middle-aged Americans. We need hope that is robust and sturdy for this kind of world!

In his book simply entitled Heaven, author Peter Kreeft offers this critique:

Our pictures of Heaven simply do not move us… it is… our pictures of Heaven and of God that most potently threaten our faith today. Our pictures of Heaven are dull, platitudinous, syrupy; therefore so is our faith, our hope, and our love of Heaven.

It is surely a satanic triumph of the first order to have taken the fascination out of a doctrine that must either be a fascinating fact or a fascinating lie…  If it’s dull, it doesn’t really matter whether it’s a dull truth or a dull lie. Dullness, no doubt, is the strongest enemy of faith.

Sadly, Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) himself died believing this “dull, platitudinous, and syrupy” picture of the afterlife that left him cold and wanting none of it.

And if that’s what I believed, I could understand why.

FOR MEMORIZATION: You have come to Mt Zion….and thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful celebration…..” Hebrews 12:22

FOR REFLECTION: If you’re low on hope today, meditate upon your heavenly home. God wants us to take time to do just that… and refill our hope as we do.