Author: TimMaynard

Leadership 04

Nehemiah led out of a vision… not a vision of grandeur or expansion of a kingdom… but a vision to restore and rebuild the broken walls of Jerusalem. The rubble and ineffectiveness of this wall had caused God’s people who had returned there to be a “reproach;” literally, a laughingstock to the pagan nations around them who could come and go as they pleased, bullying… harassing… stealing… and then asking “Where is your God?”

Nehemiah’s vision was more than a leader’s opportunistic view of how he could make a name for himself. His vision leaned into revelation… a God-inspired program to do what had not yet been done for His glory. The walls of Jerusalem must be rebuilt… for safety and comfort and to restore the reputation of God who had promised this would happen. It would be a visible testimony of His faithfulness to His people.

So God looked for a leader and found the man, a cupbearer to King Artaxerxes… a faithful Jew serving in a foreign land. (Nehemiah 1:11). And he gave a vision to him… to rebuild a wall, to restore a testimony, to provide for the care of His people. Nehemiah accomplished this God-given assignment in fifty-five days… a superhuman task on any level of evaluation.

Harry Truman said a leader’s job is to make people do what they don’t want to do and have them enjoy doing it! No one in Jerusalem thought this task could be done. There was too much rubble. There were too many opponents.

For a teacher to be a teacher, someone has to learn. And for a leader to be a leader, someone has to follow. Nehemiah was a leader who had been given a revelation from God. His task? To convince those who had decided it would be impossible to rebuild the wall that they could indeed build the wall. He had a revelation.

And with that revelation came a confidence in Nehemiah that the God of Heaven who gave it would empower him to accomplish it. That is the promise. That is the certainty.

And that becomes the source and focus of a leader’s courage.


FOR MEMORIZATION: This is my command. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9 NLT

FOR REFLECTION: What is God commanding you to do that requires more courage or confidence than you currently possess?

Leadership 03

E.M. Bounds in his classic little book Power Through Prayer said, “Men are God’s method. The church is looking for better methods; God is looking for better men.” God is on the search for people He can use to raise up as leaders in their world. Ezekiel 22:30 says, “I (God) looked in vain for anyone who would build again the wall of righteousness that guards the land, who could stand in the gap but I FOUND NO ONE.” What a sad evaluation when God looks and looks but no one was willing… no one had the substance of character… no “better men” were found to lead in Israel of Ezekiel’s day.

What about today? Leadership, we find, has far more to do with the inner person than external appearance, ability or images of success as the world marks leadership. God is looking throughout the land at HEARTS… not resumes. There are brilliant people, wonderful minds, beautiful individuals, who are hollow as chocolate Easter rabbits on the inside. These are people who though talented could not stand up to the pressures that will be brought against any person who would be used by God to make a difference in their world. They may know better methods… but they are not better people.

God is looking for people… people prepared not by institutions of education or elected by the masses but people tried as though by fire. The crisis of leadership we see today is a crisis of character… we are not putting better people in places of leadership in our institutions, our churches and our nation.

What the world needs now… what the church needs now… what our homes need now… are not more effective ways of building an economy or building attendance or managing our children. What we need today are people who will do what God looked for in Ezekiel…”build the wall of righteousness that guards the land….” And when we find them, our world will change.


FOR MEMORIZATION: The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless toward Him.                   2 Chronicles 16:9a

FOR REFLECTION: Think again about a person you know who is an effective leader. If they are still living, say a prayer for them now that God will continue to inwardly strengthen their hearts. If they are no longer with us, say a prayer of thanks to God for their influence on you.

Leadership 02

Is leadership something that we aspire to or something to which we are called? In some cases it’s both. In many cases it’s the first. In biblical terms, it’s the latter. We are looking into the life and heart of a leader that God built, literally from the ground up. Nehemiah as far as we can see, had no aspiration to be a leader. He was not running for office. He had a comfortable life, a position of prestige and influence, the ear of the King and nothing restless within him to make him want to be anything else.

But God interrupted his life. Or more accurately, aimed his life in the direction He had always intended. God “dislocated” Nehemiah’s heart, to borrow a phrase from Chip Ingram. “And it came to pass when I heard these words that I sat down and wept, and mourned certain days, and fasted and prayed before the God of Heaven.” (Nehemiah 1:4). When a joint is dislocated, it is all you can think about until it is fixed. When a heart is dislocated, it is all you can think about until something begins to be done for resolved the issue.

Biblical leaders are called. They have a sense that God intended them for this role… that He had “known them when they were still in their mother’s womb” (Jeremiah 1:5). A calling is a sense of drawing toward and being pushed toward a certain direction… often both at the same time. C.H. Spurgeon called the pastor’s calling a sense of being “compellingly induced.”

Our “calling” to be a leader with excellence may not have as dramatic a sense as that. For Nehemiah, his calling was not to be a pastor or shepherd or prophet or preacher… it was to build a wall. To be a part of fulfilling a promise God had made… and intended to keep. A sense of being THE ONE who had to do something about this… and not being able to find peace or rest until he was released to that task.

Nehemiah was called. He never was asked… he was broken within and the only way out of that sense of brokenness was to take on the role of a leader to complete an unfinished task. He was never prepared for what he had been called to do… God trained him as he went by faith.

Maybe, like Nehemiah, God has “dislocated” your heart over something… perhaps a project or a specific job. Maybe God has touched and dislocated your heart over a need that must be met… a people group that must be reached… a compelling problem that has broken your heart… a need to make the glory of God known in your world. You may feel inadequate for the task and unprepared to undertake it. Good. So was Moses. So was Nehemiah. So was Jeremiah.

And what we find is that in our weakness God’s strength can most perfectly be seen. Trust God.

And then by faith take the next step!


FOR MEMORIZATION: But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you. For my power is made perfect in weakness.”   2 Corinthians 12:9a

FOR REFLECTION: A calling is being worked out when you are able to see a need that few others or no others can see. What is needed in your world that you have the ability to see but others may not? Is God calling you to do something about that? Is He raising you up to be a leader?

Leadership 01: How God Builds Leaders

God’s leadership building strategy does not involve finding or calling out the most qualified or even the most likely candidate for what He wants to accomplish. In fact, God delights in using the weak, the unlikely and sometimes those the world would quickly discount as of little account. (1 Corinthians 1:26)

God has the ability, if He so chooses, to use the most powerful of men to accomplish His goals. “The heart of the king is in the hands of God… He turns it wherever He wills.” (Proverbs 21:1). God used Cyrus, the King of Persia who had conquered the Babylonians… the most powerful empire in the world… and set the Jewish people free to return to Jerusalem after seventy years of captivity. He even called Cyrus “my anointed (my “messiah!”) because He specifically chose Cyrus for this special task of leadership. (Isaiah 45:1)

But the next time God raised up a leader to deal with His people, He chose not a king… but a cupbearer. He did not choose an ordinary man because no noble person could be found. He chose an ordinary man to show that it is not by man’s power that these things are accomplished but by God’s! As He told the prophet Zechariah, ” it is not by might, nor by power but by My Spirit, says the Lord.” (Zechariah 4:6)

And so God built a leader… from the ground up… by using a person without formal training in management or construction or military strategy or ministry… and made him a leader, a construction foreman, a military commander and a minister… by showing the one thing that is indispensable for any leader in any profession to be successful:

Complete and utter dependence upon God.


FOR MEMORIZATION: Now I was the cupbearer for the king.                  Nehemiah 1:11

FOR REFLECTION: As we begin this series, think about people in your life whom God has used to influence you as leaders. These may be people in church or at work or in school. What are the qualities that made their influence effective in your life?

21st Century Parenting #18

Single parenting is no longer an anomaly in our culture. Whether divorce, death or a relocation of one spouse due to work or deployment, single parenting is one of the most challenging tasks in the world. Add to that stress the aspect of a job or career and the stress escalates exponentially.

Some thoughts along the way may help a bit if you are sharing custody of your child or children. Doubt you’ll see anything in this blog that will be brand new, but some things may be worth doubling down on as you move forward:

1.) I heard a single parent say once that the three most important things in successful single parenting are consistency and consistency and then consistency. Your child needs this; especially in times like bedtime and as they grow older in the kind of entertainment that is appropriate, style of music, food and diet, clothing choices, curfews, etc. It may tempting for us to create a “good parent, bad parent” dynamic especially if the “good parent” is you. But the ultimate damage done will be to your child when they learn how to play both against the other… and both parents lose control.
2.) Communicate with the other custodial spouse. Often. About items that you may think would not concern them. Run the risk of giving too much information verses not telling them something that may be essential for them to know. Again, the loser is your child if they are being trusted to the care of an uninformed parent, who didn’t know that extra time needs to be spent on history homework because of a pending bad grade or an upcoming doctor’s visit had been scheduled.
3.) Do not use the child as the messenger or spy when they are with the other custodial parent. Don’t pump them for information about the other parent. It is not their job to report back to you and you will add stress to an already stressful circumstance. Don’t make it worse.
4.) Do not talk badly about the other parent. If you disagree with something, be an adult and speak to them about it… not your child. And remember something VERY IMPORTANT: What you say about the other parent is internalized by the child who IS A PART and will always BE A PART of the other person. Unconsciously, they cannot separate your verbal tirades from how you feel about them.

I am aware that for many single moms and dads, the last thing they ever wanted to be was a single parent. This was not how you saw your parenting being done. But, as the Bible gives us several very positive examples, you can do this with excellence. Be careful to manage your negative emotions, especially in early months following a separation or divorce when things tend to be most volatile. While you and your mate may no longer be able to live together, your child has little choice in the matter. Your job is to make that transition as easy for them as possible. And believe me, God is able to bless your efforts, even when you feel like you have no idea what you’re doing. Maybe I should add the fifth suggestion here:

5.) Pray. Specifically. A lot. Out loud. Cry if you need to. Shout. Carry your frustrations to God in prayer. He will hear. He cares. He knows.

TRUST HIM.


FOR MEMORIZATION: Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

FOR REFLECTION: Remember the times God has been faithful to single people in the Bible… specifically single parents. Hagar, who bore Abram’s child in the Book of Genesis. Mary, the mother of Jesus, who in all likelihood spent some years as a single mom following Joseph’s death. Jacob, a single father… and patriarch of Israel. The stories are there. God doesn’t forget.

21st Century Parenting #17

With this blog I want to continue the listing of John Rosemond’s principles for disciplining our children. The first half of the list was in yesterday’s blog if you’d like to view it first.

6. Children are to obey their parents
“Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” (Colossians 3:20)
Who you choose to honor is the most important thing about you. Who you curse and dishonor defines you as well. Disagreeing with a parent does not give you the right either to defy or to disobey. It is always considered rebellion in the Bible when we attempt to correct UP, meaning correct one who has authority over us.

7. Obedient children bless themselves
“Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.” (Proverbs 1:8-9) If you are the parent who says, “I wish my kids would obey me!” Let me tell you a little secret: kids don’t grant adult’s wishes! Second, you are “wishing” that so YOU’LL feel better. We need to help our children see that, when they are obedient they bless THEMSELVES!

8. The most obedient child is the happiest
“He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding.” (Proverbs 15:32) Disobedient people are never happy. Never. They are sullen, angry, discontent, and self-despising. Your child is not happy being disobedient. Help them be happy! It doesn’t come with a trip to Disney World. It comes when you help them be obedient.

9. A lack of discipline leads to death
“Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.” (Proverbs 19:18) The way of transgressors is hard, the Bible says. To fail to correct and discipline your child leads, not just to a hard road but to a dead end!

10. Discipline is the way to life
“These commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light, and the corrections of discipline are the way to life.” (Proverbs 6:23) A lack of discipline leads to death; discipline and correction lead to life. Which path do you want your child walking? The earliest efforts you make to correct/discipline your child are your FIRST efforts at EVANGELISM… sharing eternal life in Christ.

Over fifty years ago during a spectacular series of meetings held in Los Angeles, his fame was growing rapidly. Thousands of people were coming – including film stars and athletes and all kinds of celebrities. They all came to hear the man, to meet the man. As the series entered its eighth week in LA, it was consuming all of Graham’s time and energy. God was speaking through him in powerful ways.

Toward the end of the crusade, Graham’s sister-in-law and her husband came to Los Angeles, bringing a baby with them. The evangelist squeezed in time to be with his relatives. During that meeting he made a comment that the little baby girl was cute; he asked, “To whom does she belong?”

The sister-in-law’s mouth dropped open in surprise. “Why, she’s yours. She’s yours, Billy.” Graham had been away from home so long he didn’t even recognize his own little Anne when she was brought to the crusade. That night the great evangelist resolved that he would spend more time at home with his children.

One wise person said, “The most important rule of parenting is, ‘Must be present to win.'” You cannot do godly discipline from a distance. It truly can’t be phoned in.


FOR MEMORIZATION: My son, keep your father’s command, and don’t forget your mother’s teaching.    Proverbs 6:20

FOR REFLECTION: How can you improve your teaching of the things you want your child to learn? What is your goal as a parent in the instruction of your child? Three things that most parents want from their children are:

1) Respect… of parents and authority
2) Responsibility… taking responsibility for their own faults and issues, not counting on parents to bail them out
3) Resourcefulness… they can entertain themselves, learn to lay out their own clothes and even prepare some simple food without your help.

Those three “R”s will make your child a delightful person to live with and your life a whole lot simpler!

21st Century Parenting #16

As a part of my own parenting journey I began reading newspaper columns and then books written by child psychologist John Rosemond. We had John here at Fruit Cove a few years ago and some are still talking about it. We also shared him with the St Johns County Board of Education where he filled an auditorium with teachers anxious to hear from him.

Why has he been so popular? So controversial? Because he advocates discipline as an essential part of parenting. Now that doesn’t seem like something a person could build a practice or a career on, but his insights remind us of how confused our culture really is regarding this subject.

So do I advocate everything he says? Well, frankly no. But many of the principles he advocates I do believe are on target. In this column and the next, I want to share ten of those principles that are biblically-based and tried and true for real life.

1. Discipline and love are not mutually exclusive
“For the Lord disciplines those He loves, as a father the son he delights in.” (Proverbs 3:12) We join God in His work when we participate in shaping our children.

2. Correction is never pleasant but produces positive benefits
“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:11) You can’t discipline/correct your child AND make them feel good at the same time!

3. Punishment is necessary for effective discipline
“Because the Lord disciplines those He loves, and punishes everyone He accepts as a son.” (Hebrews 12:6) Proper discipline, including correction is the loving thing to do. To fail to correct is hatred according to Scripture.

4. Proper discipline validates the child
“If you are not disciplined… then you are illegitimate children and not true sons.” (Hebrews 12:8) It is a form of neglect to fail to discipline your child. Courts will take your child from you if you neglect to feed or care for them. But the Bible says you have neglected them if they are without discipline!

5. Obedient children delight their parents
“Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.” (Proverbs 29:17) Stressed out, exhausted parents produce ill-behaving children. The converse is also true… ill-behaving children produce stressed-out, exhausted parents.


FOR MEMORIZATION: The rod and reproof bring wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.   Proverbs 29:15

FOR REFLECTION: We must learn to distinguish between the biblical context of discipline and of punishment. Discipline in the Bible, is always connected with instruction. It is a teaching experience not just venting frustration. It is a line we must constantly watch.

21st Century Parenting #15

Discipline has at its core a very common biblical term: Disciple. The word “disciple” in the language of the Bible is “learner.” A disciple is one who learns. In the days when Jesus was on earth He was considered by most not as the “Son of God” but as a rabbi. Even on the morning of the resurrection, His most devoted female follower named Mary… the first to see Him alive after the crucifixion… referred to Jesus as “Rabboni.”

As we read the Bible on the subject of discipline, then, we must “read into” this word the concept of discipline as teaching… of making disciples of our children. They first become YOUR disciples but the ultimate goal is that you lead them to the TRUE rabbi… The Lord Jesus Christ. To fail in that is to stop short of the intended goal and outcome of discipline.

We misunderstand the role of discipline when we believe it means to control behavior. Your child is not your pet. Don’t be confused. Animals are less complex than people (yes, even YOURS). They respond pretty much across the board to stimulus and response. Their behavior can be controlled and modified by adding reward or adding punishment.

But children are not animals. They are human souls with their own wills and, no matter how young, their own agenda. If you have two children, one may respond instantly to your cross look or to an increase in volume in your voice. The other child raised by the same parents, eating the same food and sharing the same room with his sibling will not even turn around to acknowledge you. What works on one may or may not work on the other. Human beings are complex. Their needs vary; their sense of what is needed varies; the ability to be influenced by pleasing or displeasing you varies. And there is no way to predict it.

That being true, the outcome of discipline must still be the same. We are to create a follower… first of our direction… and ultimately of the Lord’s You will be challenged to be creative on the way to that goal. In other words, you may have one child who will make this journey easy and pleasurable while the other will not under any circumstance make your life easier in the discipline they need.

The challenge of discipline I think, is not how to I make my child behave but what am I teaching them to do by how I live? If they are your followers while they are growing up (and they are… for better or worse) then the path I am taking had better be the right one… the one I would want them to be walking. They won’t walk a path you never showed them. They will walk in your footsteps though.

In the early days of Israel, the rabbi always had students who lived with him, ate with him, slept where he slept. Teaching was not something that was compartmentalized for a few hours a day. It WAS the day. Every day. And at the end of the “course” of study, the disciples knew how their master/rabbi lived, talked, thought and walked. And they lived, talked, thought and walked just like him.

And so will your children.

Every time.


FOR MEMORIZATION: Fathers do not exasperate your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.   Ephesians 6:4

FOR REFLECTION: A leader is one who has others following him or her. If you are a parent, like it or not, you always have someone looking at you, learning from you and following you. Make sure you examine your steps to see that where they are going is the path you want to see your children repeat. Because they certainly will.

21st Century Parenting #14

Does it matter how our children are disciplined? Well, it certainly matters THAT they are… however that gets worked out. At some point, parent(s) must exercise authority through force of some means for discipline to be effective. Proverbs 22:15 says, “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him.” Does that mean you must strike (spank or slap) your child for discipline to take place? Not necessarily. But let’s first remove some extremes.

It is not giving license to an abusive parent to say their child must be disciplined. We all know of horror stories of children being terrorized; physically, emotionally and even sexually assaulted by parents who are out of control and who should not be allowed access to children. However horrific those accounts are, we must be aware that they are extremes and not the norm. Most parents love and tenderly care for their children. And a loving, tender parent must sometimes take a hard stand that involves some degree of pressure exerted on the child. More on that in a moment.

It is not an appropriate stance to become a passive parent to avoid the appearance or fear of being accused of being an abuser. Many parents have allowed themselves to be terrorized by an undisciplined, out-of-control child and cower in fear from their child and do nothing to seek to control or direct them.

A number of years ago I was asked by a friend who worked in the Prosecuting Attorney’s office as a lawyer if something she had heard in court was true. She said that it had come up in a case involving a person accused of child abuse who had attended Fruit Cove that we instructed people to spank their children with a stick while making them recite Bible verses! I quickly assured her that we have not nor would we ever advocate that kind of treatment. She was relieved to hear that. I was horrified that we had been accused of that.

So believe me, I understand the risk any parent takes today who would dare advocate for or practice corporeal punishment with their children. But I will go on record and state that used properly and administered lovingly, it is a biblical directive for parents to follow with these caveats:

1. The child must be of an appropriate age to understand and learn from the punishment. It is one thing to swat the backside of a five year old who refuses to listen to you when you tell him not to run into the street. It is another thing to use a belt on a fifteen year old who came in late from a time out with friends. In the first case, the child is impressionable enough that even minimal contact will make an impact. In the latter case, you could not legally strike your adolescent with enough force to make a difference. The first case is proper, biblical discipline. The latter case is usually motivated more by anger and frustration than love and is abusive.

2. Remember in discipline that you are attacking a stubborn and rebellious will, not the child’s body. The only thing that should break during discipline is the child’s self-will and resistance to parental (translate ANY) authority.

3. The ultimate goal of any discipline, whether corporeal or grounding (etc), is to train them TOWARD godliness. We need to stop disciplining children just because of offenses committed and train them TOWARD attitude and behavioral changes in the future. That keeps our process about shaping their life the way God intends them to live instead of being about punishment.

Let me say again: loving discipline while hard, is one of the truest expressions of parental care for their children. To fail to see to this is to fail at an essential point of parenting… one from which your child may never recover.


FOR MEMORIZATION: For whom the Lord loves He reproves, even as a father, the son in whom he delights.    Proverbs 3:12

FOR REFLECTION: Think back on times in your life when you have been effectively disciplined. What were the ingredients of that experience that made it work? How is that reflected in how you should be disciplining your child today?

 

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